When you’re 18, jobless and in college, expect NO ONE to be pleased when you tell them you’re having a baby. And expect NO ONE to understand how you could have done such a stupid mistake. Yes, I have to admit evil thoughts did cross my mind when I found out I’m going to be a mommy sooner that I dreamed of. I have never felt so scared and helpless as I did back then. My parents were so devastated that my mother did not speak to me for a while and my father blamed her for what had happened to me.
Forgive me. I lost count of how many times I said those two words during the “dark ages” of my life.
Then came the delivery. Another “horror” story – for now I’ll save the details for a later post. It was the toughest day I had to face but with the help of a greater power I have yet to really accept as the architect of my life, I survived and after what seemed like forever, all I could hear were my baby’s loud cries. A good sign – the doctor told me. The baby was in perfect health. How I wished I could say the same for myself back then but no, I wasn’t healthy at all. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually.
Still, I consider myself blessed. Now that I have come to think of it, from the day my son came to this world, he never experienced hunger compared to thousands of abandoned and neglected children all over the world who suffer from severe malnutrition everyday. Children who probably wished they were never born(pausing to say a prayer for children fighting extreme poverty).
I must say being a mother changes a person in a very deep kind of level. You think of yourself less and think of others more. You realize it is not always about you yet you do not feel resentful. You feel grateful even for the smallest things because you just happen to appreciate life more than ever. Then you strive to become a better person every single day to be the role model your child needs. And that is a kind of struggle that you need to live with. It is NOT easy at all! At the end of your day you find yourself knocked out in bed with a smile(because you finally get some sleep) knowing that the challenges that come with parenthood may often be overwhelming but it is also the most fulfilling.